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Some things you just can't help.

I've been battling this decision for weeks. I want to provide all I can for Annabelle and give her all the best. Since ruling out a tonge tie we've been seeing a chiropractor. Her latches were getting better but the last few days her latches have just been getting lazier and lazier. I know she is going through a growth spurt and wanting to nurse every hour but this skin crawling feeling is making it a miserable time for us both. She just looks at me with her sparkling big blue eyes and I just cry. I want to continue this bond, relationship but my body physically can't take it. My skin is just so tender from my raynauds that I honestly don't think it's her, I think it's me  and that's what makes it so much harder for me. I never wanted my illness to effect her and I believe it is starting to. How do you tell myself "you've done all you can" and not beat myself up?!. There's so many benefits with breastfeeding but EP and not EBF...I don't know if I can have a fulltime relationship with a pump. With returning to work I was still looking forward to coming home and nursing at night. This decision isn't one I'm taking lightly. I honestly don't know what to do. There's no one "right" answer. 


Today we received our Fuzzibunz pockets in the mail today. Oh my word! The sizing is sooo stressful!! I think I finally have it down! Def not a diaper if your clothing more than one kiddo. 


Today while having some floor time, I got a few smiles out of Annabelle. My heart just melted! It wasn't gas. It was the real thing. She is getting bigger and bigger everyday. I go back to work in two weeks. Time can slow down and I wouldn't be sad about it! 

Annabelle is up. Duty calls.

Don't let the bed bugs bite...XoXo




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