Motherhood is a beautiful crazy ride

The other day I was faced with bottle feeding Annabelle at home and not in the community but what followed I didn't see coming. The following feeding when nursing, she looked up at me with her big beautiful sparkling blue eyes; I cried. She was satisfied. Something she doesn't receive with the bottle. When I return back to work I plan on pumping but nursing at night. This skin crawling feeling has taken ahold of me but when faced with decisions, I never take a decisions lightly.  So like most I went to the Internet, Google and facebook. To know this feeling has a name, D-MER (dysphoric milk ejection reflex: a condition affecting lacating women that is characterized by an abrupt dysphoric or negative emotions) and arousal. Although there is no pleasure with a soft latch, our bodies do crazy things even when we tell it not to. I was embarrassed at first but then I realized why am I embarrassed?!. With that led me to "my daughter is sucking on my nipple". It never weirde...

I've been battling this decision for weeks. I want to provide all I can for Annabelle and give her all the best. Since ruling out a tonge tie we've been seeing a chiropractor. Her latches were getting better but the last few days her latches have just been getting lazier and lazier. I know she is going through a growth spurt and wanting to nurse every hour but this skin crawling feeling is making it a miserable time for us both. She just looks at me with her sparkling big blue eyes and I just cry. I want to continue this bond, relationship but my body physically can't take it. My skin is just so tender from my raynauds that I honestly don't think it's her, I think it's me  and that's what makes it so much harder for me. I never wanted my illness to effect her and I believe it is starting to. How do you tell myself "you've done all you can" and not beat myself up?!. There's so many benefits with breastfeeding but EP and not EBF...I don't...

Yesterday Miss Annabelle turned one month! I can't believe it! With all the stressful-sleepless nights mixed in with beautiful snuggles. She's starting to be so alert. Loves staring at the ceiling fan in the living room. Kindermusik was a success yesterday! She didn't eat the whole time this time so we were able to participate more. I'm definitely getting sad knowing my Maternity leave is coming to a end soon. We go in for her one month check tomorrow. Can't wait to see how much Dino weights!  With Annabelle's one month comes one month of breastfeeding. This mama has "Iron Boobies"! This first month hasn't been easy with her lazy latch, sometimes no latch at all but we didn't give up on our hardest day and it's only up from here!  Auntie Kim and Uncle Chris is coming into town late Thursday! I can't wait to see my sibs!!! Being in three different states hasn't been easy but through this pregnancy and now, makes me really miss them m...

Three years ago Joel and I set out on a new journey. Now three years later it's 10:15pm and I'm snuggling the most precious gift on earth!  As Annabelle is sleeping on my chest I can't help but think back to my childhood. Everybody that came and gone. Who made major impacts. From my church family to my Huntington family. To my parents support system. All my mistakes that helped formed me into the adult I am today- wonder what mistakes Miss Annabelle will make :). With each mistake was followed by a lesson learned and each accomplishment was followed by a memorable moment. Today my parents babysat Annabelle so Joel and I could go on a date. It ended with a painful pumping session! Now I know why people buy car adapters and pump while they are out. We went to Art Bayou in Kalamazoo, had dinner at OP and saw Kingsmen. All around it was a great day! I painted a Jar mug. I was going to make a mommy mug but a Subshine mug felt more fiting. Joel and I always sing "you are my...

I may be a little late but this video just came across my newsfeed today and I just love it! Take a second and watch it for yourself : https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Me9yrREXOj4 The beauty of parenting is being able to find what works best for you and your family. I'm learning it takes trial and error. I think at times we all get so wrapped in what we believe to be parenting, we lose sight in whats and think it's whats best for everyone. Just like some cloth-some disposable. Some nurse-others use formula. Some babywear- others carry. I think you get the point and where I'm going with this. What's most important is always putting your kiddo/kiddos needs first. Doing what's best for your family and not what's best for the outside world. I think that's what I'm enjoying so much about motherhood so far. But know matter what you believe it's important to remember we're all on the same side. Judgement only ends one way.   Yesterday Annabelle...

Motherhood doesn't come with a learning manual. There's no one around to tell you what's right or what's wrong. The most scariest part so far is having to  trust myself and know what I am doing is what's best for Annabelle at that every second.  When Annabelle was laid on my chest for the first time it's a moment I wish I could of frozen in time. She was pure. She was untouched. She already ran our world before her first cry. And then her Dino cry let roar. She made sure the world knew Annabelle Rose was born and ready to give us a run for our money. Joel and I were blessed to have my mom come stay with us the first week while Joel returned back to work.  First came the jiggers than the baby blues. Breaking down in bed bath and beyond over coffee markers, that was the highlight of my first week. I've been so hard on myself this past week that this week I am challenging myself not to be too hard on myself. Nursing has been a challenge; getting her to latch an...