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Ten fingers. Ten toes


As I rock this precious kiddo to sleep, I am overwhelmed. Everyone asks when's the next little Frederick?! My favorite is "your NOT on birth control?"- no, no sir I'm not. See almost eight years ago I was blessed with a lovely horrible no good UTI for almost two months, leaving in its track trauma and vulvodynia that can not be fixed by a simple pill or surgery. I remember when I first heard "Lauren, I'm sorry but sex will always be painful". The look on my doctors face was basically- best of luck sweetheart! I was in my early 20's. Sex? Painful? Dear lord I'm only 20! I want a big family, huge house and this doctor just told me that? For years I tried therapies and different techniques. After years of wondering what kind of man would love a woman that couldn't provide a physical need all humans need. I mean come on? We're adults, it's a need we all need as humans. What am I going to do? What man would ever love a woman that can't have sex at a drop of a hat? Let alone weekly without tears and pain- the list goes on! 

But once again Joel rode in on his horse and my Prince Charming looked passed the damage and found beauty in years of pain and fear. 

I would love to be pregnant, swollen feet, creating a beautiful gift; I know it's just not time. Right now it's important to focus on me as a person. There's no healing when you don't give yourself time to heal. The best gift you can give yourself is yourself, your full 100% self. 

XoXo  

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