Skip to main content

Ten fingers. Ten toes


As I rock this precious kiddo to sleep, I am overwhelmed. Everyone asks when's the next little Frederick?! My favorite is "your NOT on birth control?"- no, no sir I'm not. See almost eight years ago I was blessed with a lovely horrible no good UTI for almost two months, leaving in its track trauma and vulvodynia that can not be fixed by a simple pill or surgery. I remember when I first heard "Lauren, I'm sorry but sex will always be painful". The look on my doctors face was basically- best of luck sweetheart! I was in my early 20's. Sex? Painful? Dear lord I'm only 20! I want a big family, huge house and this doctor just told me that? For years I tried therapies and different techniques. After years of wondering what kind of man would love a woman that couldn't provide a physical need all humans need. I mean come on? We're adults, it's a need we all need as humans. What am I going to do? What man would ever love a woman that can't have sex at a drop of a hat? Let alone weekly without tears and pain- the list goes on! 

But once again Joel rode in on his horse and my Prince Charming looked passed the damage and found beauty in years of pain and fear. 

I would love to be pregnant, swollen feet, creating a beautiful gift; I know it's just not time. Right now it's important to focus on me as a person. There's no healing when you don't give yourself time to heal. The best gift you can give yourself is yourself, your full 100% self. 

XoXo  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Those beauitful moments

Yesterday was a day filled with many ups and downs. A night full of tears and questions. I found myself looking at myself in the mirror, eyes red and puffing asking "Lauren what happened". Life is a scary beautiful mess. I remember going through my PPD counseling and my counselor asked if a new mom asked you one piece of advice what would it be. At first I thought she was nuts! What kind of question is this and why are we ending a rough session like this. She gave me a moment to think.   "Motherhood is scary. Motherhood is beautiful. It pushes you to limits you never thought you were capable of. In the mix of it all you may have that one long night or that one long week that everything seems like its never going end but hang on and make lemonade out of lemons ". Last night I found myself re-reading all my past blog posts and I came a crossed, Life after Baby #1. I found myself re-reading over and over again. Those same thoughts are my current fears, Baby #2. Each
Post a Comment
Read more

The SAD truth

When I threw my rock at The Climb, I knew it was going to take a lot more than just throwing a rock into the water. It was going to take hard work, blood, sweat and tears. The sad truth, it's time to let breastfeeding go. It has fueled sadness, anger, happiness. What I wouldn't do to go back to waking up every two hours nursing her. To feel that successful latch again. But that is not where we are anymore and that is okay too. So to the Mommas that miss that latch, I support you. To the Mommas pumping every two hours to only get 5 ML, I support you. To the Mommas crying as they make a formula bottle (many Harvard graduates were formula fed babies), I support you. To the Mommas that "need" their body back, I support you.    The one thing I take away from all this is the experience. It's been a painful joy and I wouldn't change any minute of it. To my pumpling , momma thanks you baby girl. Next Thursday will mark our six month breastfeeding journey. I reached tw
Post a Comment
Read more