Skip to main content

Motherhood

After a weekend of birthday hustle and bustle I found myself judging. Judging this loving, caring, strong when she wants to me woman. I was judging me! I was staring at A's last pump of breast milk that has been waiting for her for months! Just sit in our freezer. Holding on to my love for cloth diapers because it's the one thing we planned that I didn't fail. But did I fail? A's bathed every night. She goes to bed full. Loving home. Warm house (when it wants to stay warm). House full of adventure and laugher. 



Failure? I think not! I look back on this past year and I want to cry but images of beautiful moments flash- A's birth going as planned / A's first latch / A's final latch / Pumping at late hours of the night till it was best for my health to stop / Climbing for my life back / A crawling for the first time / all these firsts that didn't make it into the baby book. 



I used to think I needed to be this cookie cutter mom. Scared of mistakes. Mistakes come seconds chances to try again and again and again! 



I am slowly taking my life back! Christmas was a battle. The Christmas crowd. At times I needed to breathe at A's birthday and just remind myself "just breathe and take it in". Aniexty still lingers but my life? It's shining bright. For any momma pumping or nursing right now or shaking up a bottle, know you are doing an AMAZING job! Your momma village near or far is there for you, reach out and say hello! When I started this blog, I never once thought I would be walking this path but I never regret a word. For the last day I was trying to figure out what to write or say. A year ago I was hoping to be posting my breastfeeding goal, rocking pre baby jeans. But tonight I'm rocking yoga pants and a sleepy formula full tummy ONE year old snoring Annabelle on my chest. And this! This is what it's all about. Motherhood test every fiber of our body. I remember looking at the clock at 12:10 pm on 1/16/15 thinking what did I get myself into, NO DRUGS! Moments later a beautiful newborn laying my chest. Those simple moments get lost in the hustle and bustle. 

Take time for yourself momma. I wish I asked sooner for someone to make a meal or come over so I could shower. ASK! And don't be ashamed. It takes a village. Xo

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Some things you just can't help.

I've been battling this decision for weeks. I want to provide all I can for Annabelle and give her all the best. Since ruling out a tonge tie we've been seeing a chiropractor. Her latches were getting better but the last few days her latches have just been getting lazier and lazier. I know she is going through a growth spurt and wanting to nurse every hour but this skin crawling feeling is making it a miserable time for us both. She just looks at me with her sparkling big blue eyes and I just cry. I want to continue this bond, relationship but my body physically can't take it. My skin is just so tender from my raynauds that I honestly don't think it's her, I think it's me  and that's what makes it so much harder for me. I never wanted my illness to effect her and I believe it is starting to. How do you tell myself "you've done all you can" and not beat myself up?!. There's so many benefits with breastfeeding but EP and not EBF...I don't...
Post a Comment
Read more

Those beauitful moments

Yesterday was a day filled with many ups and downs. A night full of tears and questions. I found myself looking at myself in the mirror, eyes red and puffing asking "Lauren what happened". Life is a scary beautiful mess. I remember going through my PPD counseling and my counselor asked if a new mom asked you one piece of advice what would it be. At first I thought she was nuts! What kind of question is this and why are we ending a rough session like this. She gave me a moment to think.   "Motherhood is scary. Motherhood is beautiful. It pushes you to limits you never thought you were capable of. In the mix of it all you may have that one long night or that one long week that everything seems like its never going end but hang on and make lemonade out of lemons ". Last night I found myself re-reading all my past blog posts and I came a crossed, Life after Baby #1. I found myself re-reading over and over again. Those same thoughts are my current fears, Baby #2. Each...
Post a Comment
Read more