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Motherhood

After a weekend of birthday hustle and bustle I found myself judging. Judging this loving, caring, strong when she wants to me woman. I was judging me! I was staring at A's last pump of breast milk that has been waiting for her for months! Just sit in our freezer. Holding on to my love for cloth diapers because it's the one thing we planned that I didn't fail. But did I fail? A's bathed every night. She goes to bed full. Loving home. Warm house (when it wants to stay warm). House full of adventure and laugher. 



Failure? I think not! I look back on this past year and I want to cry but images of beautiful moments flash- A's birth going as planned / A's first latch / A's final latch / Pumping at late hours of the night till it was best for my health to stop / Climbing for my life back / A crawling for the first time / all these firsts that didn't make it into the baby book. 



I used to think I needed to be this cookie cutter mom. Scared of mistakes. Mistakes come seconds chances to try again and again and again! 



I am slowly taking my life back! Christmas was a battle. The Christmas crowd. At times I needed to breathe at A's birthday and just remind myself "just breathe and take it in". Aniexty still lingers but my life? It's shining bright. For any momma pumping or nursing right now or shaking up a bottle, know you are doing an AMAZING job! Your momma village near or far is there for you, reach out and say hello! When I started this blog, I never once thought I would be walking this path but I never regret a word. For the last day I was trying to figure out what to write or say. A year ago I was hoping to be posting my breastfeeding goal, rocking pre baby jeans. But tonight I'm rocking yoga pants and a sleepy formula full tummy ONE year old snoring Annabelle on my chest. And this! This is what it's all about. Motherhood test every fiber of our body. I remember looking at the clock at 12:10 pm on 1/16/15 thinking what did I get myself into, NO DRUGS! Moments later a beautiful newborn laying my chest. Those simple moments get lost in the hustle and bustle. 

Take time for yourself momma. I wish I asked sooner for someone to make a meal or come over so I could shower. ASK! And don't be ashamed. It takes a village. Xo

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