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The hardest decisions are the ones you don't want to make. It's important to continue to remind yourself this is bigger than you and you have to think about the little human that's depending on you. You have to put your feelings aside and look at the bigger picture to see what's more important.


My D-MER spells the last 72 hours have been horrible. On top of other stressors...aren't making matters easier! Annabelle's been on strike since returning to work and her high pallet isn't helping; resulting in dropping weight. I just had this feeling that we need to schedule a weight check and I'm so glad I did. All this has taken its toll. Last night after a spell I had to put Annabelle down and realize it's time to make the toughest decision yet! It's not fair to her and it's not fair to me. I will now be pumping exclusively. We have to supplement to get her calorie intake up. I've always been a planner but it's important to Annabelle that we give her our all and it's not fair to be selfish. 


The biggest fight is when we fight ourselves. There's guilt, fear, sadness- the list could go on for days. Our journey is forever changing but in the famous words of my mom "I signed up for this June 2, 1990" and on January 16th I signed up for the greatest job ever! I will be back. I will climb this mountain and D-MER will not win! 


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