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Baking soothes the soul

After one of my most stressful D-MER spells in weeks...I'm staying up late baking cookies. My "morning" self will hate me but my "me" self is loving it! Cheap therapy! 


Poor Annabelle. She means no harm. This little human is just fussy, hungry and doesn't understand why her mommy is in tears and her body is tense. Tears in my eyes looking down at my sweet baby girl,  trying to tell myself "breathe Lauren it's almost over" but it never ended. Milk kept coming down and emotions continued to flood my mind. Alone, staying focus on the end. Finally the end came and this sweet innocent baby is asleep on my chest. Then the guilt starts pouring in. Calling Joel freaking out. My endless thoughts that just flooded my mind. It's all clear now. The storm cleared and everything is calm again. How my body can do all this is besides me! Daily I look in the mirror and my body continues to surprise me! Our bodies are capable of so much and we never give them enough credit. I say my apologizes and kiss my baby's head and hope the beast doesn't return. Since returning to work my D-MER has calmed down. The weekends are the worst since I EBF but tonight I will ask for help and have Joel do the late night feeding. I've never been one to ask for help but these last few weeks I have to check myself and remind myself it's okay to ask for help. When you don't ask for help is when trouble is bound to happen. 


Last weekend we made the trip back to Mt. Clemens for Easter. I was very nervous. We did cloth the whole trip! We were going to do disposables but one dipe in and Annabelle already had a rash. So I packed up our cloth and away we went! Everytime I visit home I always get a new prospective on life. Holding Annabelle in the cry room of the Church I grew up in, a sense of peace came over me I've been longing for, for years. I've always been a strong believer everything happens for a reason but this last weekend is the trip I needed! Plus it's always fun showing Annabelle off! 


Everyday a new lesson is learned or sometimes it's a refresher to make sure you're on top of your game. Getting mad doesn't solve anything. It only makes matters worse and ruins relationships. It has put my marriage to the test along with other relationships in my life, there's no denying that.  But everynight we kiss goodnight and I know there is always tomorrow. Joel will always be by side no matter how ugly this beast gets. He loves me at my worse and I couldn't ask for a better life partner! For everyone else battling D-MER don't try to find a cure, find a happy middle. Find your happy place like in labor and just hold on for the ride. Make sure to always say thank you to your love ones and always say I love you through the tears. D-MER is NOT a hill to die on! 

Nurse on Mommas! 

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