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I'm proud

For the last six months never once have I said "I'm proud". Tonight I'm screaming it from the mountain tops. For nine months I read breastfeeding books, articles, tips. I felt like I knew what I was doing before our first latch. I had the birth I wanted. The latch I waited for. Then life of raising a newborn happened. If you've been following you know our struggles, our successes, our bittersweet moments. 


Tonight I saw my daughter chow down on a Milksicle and I wanted to cry tears of joy. She was so excited, satisfied. I missed her "breastfeed" face but as I was getting ready for bed I thought has her "face" really changed. She's growing. Laughing. Scooting. Cooing. Hitting all her development stages. I will be the first to admit nine months away I would of judged a mom shaking a bottle...fast forward it makes me sad. How dare I. Maybe that momma had the same struggles as me. Maybe she couldn't even produce 10ml's. So to those Mommas, I am sorry. We are a momma village and we have to stick together...no matter our parenting styles. I used to say "lesson learned with Annabelle, I'll start off better next time", beating myself up that I did something wrong. When in reality we were learning each other. There's nothing I could of done differently. Each child will be different. 


As I'm weaning to two pumps a day then to one then to zero, today was weird. I had more time to play with A, talk to Joel, and have more family time. It's bittersweet. I will miss providing her that bottle a day but I am proud to say I EBF her first four months of life. Supplemented with donor for month five then moving to formula. As we enter into the world of cereal and baby food in a way I feel equal. Something neither I or Annabelle can control. Well maybe her picky taste bugs but this is a whole new chapter we can take on together as a team. As a low supply momma I could of gave up months ago with her tongue tie. I could of just said this is it but I pumped on. Two months later, it's okay to pack up the pump. Mourning is okay but it's important to remember all the obstacles I overcame and tell myself "Lauren be proud, you've done good!" 



Momma on Momma Bears! Momma on, xoxo

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