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Raising my tribe

As I got ready this morning, I found myself reflecting over the last year. I flash back to March 8, 2017. It's 12:45am. I haven't slept in hours and I wonder if my body is ever going to push this baby out or will we have a c-section. Shortly after I had four major contractions and the next thing I know I began pushing at 1am. Lincoln made his entrance shortly after. His birth was something out of my birthing dreams. My midwives were amazing and my husband was something else! Knew what I needed before I even asked. Before going in that morning I remember looking into the mirror and having a heart to heart. "Lauren you got this. This will not be the same. You have come too far to let the beast return. Now go push out this baby!". And then we left for my induction. This morning while waiting for my coffee to be done, I found myself having a similar pep talk. This past year I have been pushed and pulled mentally and physically. Some times I find myself thinking ... will the beast return, will I be strong enough for round 2, will my marriage survive another round but then I snap back to reality. Similar thoughts remind me my PPD with Annabelle didn't appear till 10-11 months. I never imagined at 27 I would be a mom to two kids. My wild crazy dream was to live some crazy life in New York City being a paralegal but then I met my Prince Charming and we started this amazing life together in Kalamazoo and my New York dreams slowly faded away.



The last year has been a whirlwind. Pumping went 100% better with Lincoln. Although my supply dropped at 6 months I am so grateful for the time Lincoln and I shared. He pushed me to be a even stronger woman than I thought I was ever capable of being. Being called mom is the best title I could ever receive. I may not have lived out my crazy dream in New York but I am sure creating a great one in Galesburg. Right where I am suppose to be! 



 
So to the beast, thank you. I have never thanked you. Because of you I found my inner strength 2 years ago. I am thankful for the life lessons and a stronger marriage. And although I am not out of the woods yet, every night I reflect. I continue to heal. I continue to rebuild. I continue to speak my truth.
 


 
Mommas that are still climbing, don't stop! Through the struggles I am healthier mentally than I have ever been. Sometimes I wonder if my mind is playing tricks on me and than I hear a little voice "momma I wuv you" from the back seat and I know whatever happens today, we will all be okay. Every life event changes a person. First big date, sporting event, getting married, having children, the list goes on and on. The important thing is to find beauty through the pain. I vowed to myself that 2018 will be the year of rebuild. Rebuild myself to be a stronger healthier 2.0, continue to work on my marriage because if everyone ever tells you marriage is easy and it's butterflies and rainbows they are lying and you should never ask for advice from them again, and to grow as a mother. Just like life event, life challenges come with life lessons. You live and you learn. You make mistakes and you let go know matter how hard it may be.

Mommas you are okay. I am okay. You are not damaged. You are not broken. You are climbing. Each day you will climb a little less. Lately I've been climbing a lot more dealing with anxiety attacks but I like to think it's my "little friend" coming back to remind me of how much I am grown. I hate promises but this one I can truly say, I promise one day you will wake up and have that moment and know that no matter what life throws at you, you will be able to handle it with control.

So to whoever is reading and finding healing in this blog knowing you are not alone, you are not alone. Motherhood is scary, beautiful, challenging, rewarding and the best kind of life. So to my momma tribe, thank you. Thank you for putting up with my venting sessions at 1am, spend Saturdays eating nachos and other junk food, and being amazing friends.

Warrior Mommas...you rock!
Until next time, live your best day TODAY! XoXo
 
 
 

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